Willpower vs. Motivation in creating change

In order to create changes in our habits, there needs to be starting point. The starting point is why do I need to change or create a new habit. What is the reason behind the change? Let’s assume that we have the reason for the desired change. How do we go about achieving this change?

There are basically 2 enablers of behaviour creation or modification and they are:

  1. Motivation: the reason or desire to do something
  2. Willpower: a combination of determination and self-discipline that enables someone to do something

What is the difference? The difference lies in “feeling” and “duration”.

Motivation is a feeling that comes up when we want to start something out of excitement but its duration to carry that “feeling” over a period of time is unreliable. For example, new year resolution, everyone who has ever created a new year resolution starts out extremely motivated. Each resolution is carried out with great excitement and anticipation and off they go. However, as time passes and when it gets hard or things get busy and distractions come along, the “feeling” of motivation subsides and passes away. There is no longevity with motivation.

Willpower on the other hand is about determination and self-discipline to not just start something but to complete it. In order to complete any difficult task or activity, there needs to be a determined decision to do it and the discipline to see it through. Without which nothing worthwhile will come out of it. Think of any successful person and the basic characteristic that they will have is sheer willpower to get something done.

For you and I, I think that we need both. We need motivation get us started and we need willpower to keep on going until the finish line. In order to change or create new habits, we need motivation (why we want to change) and then willpower (determination and self-discipline) to carry out the process of change over a period of time until it becomes automatic. In some cases it might take 30 days and with some changes even longer than that. The duration of change is all dependent on the degree of change that you are aiming for.

Motivation gets the ball rolling. When motivation is high, we require less willpower but when the motivation is low, we need more willpower to continue the process of change. It is therefore important to note the role that both motivation and willpower play and how to harness either one for the achievement of any change.

Think about:

  • What is your motivation for change?
  • What values is it aligned with?
  • What goals does it help you to accomplish?
  • What do you find hardest with previous endeavors to change?
  • What worked in the past in help you make behavioural changes?

Next, we will explore willpower as key to creating lasting change.

3 Basic Attributes of Habits

As a coach, the aim is to help my client to successfully implement change in order for him/her to achieve goals that are set out. The challenge of successfully navigating through change will boil down to how successful each are in implementing changes until it becomes a habit. Habits either need to be created, changed or broken.

What is a habit? According to the dictionary, a habit is a settled or regular tendency or practice that is hard to give up. More often than not, when we speak of habits, it is in the negative perspective. Let’s start by understanding the basic attributes of a habit. There are 3 basic attributes of a habit:

  1. Automatic: As set of actions that are automatic for us to perform. For example, brushing your teeth is a habit.       Most of us don’t think or concentrate on the series of actions that brushing of teeth consist it. We just pick up the toothbrush, squeeze some toothpaste and off we go. Some of us can even multitask during that process and read our emails.
  2. Process specific: There is a set of processes that each action will take. For example, driving your car. You will open the door, get in, wear your seat belt, start the engine, look at the rear view mirror and side mirror and so on.       There is a process that takes place in a very specific manner. If any of the steps is missed out or out of order, it will create an unsettle feeling.
  3. Hard to change or break: You will know when a behaviour is a habit, when it is hard to give it up or break it. For example, to change from a sedentary to an active lifestyle is hard. To create a new set of actions or behaviour to fit in 5 minutes of exercise is hard. It is hard to break the cycle of inactivity.

Our brains are designed to be efficient or lazy depending on which perspective you prefer. It wants to be able to perform at the most efficient level which means using as little energy as possible. In order for the brain to do so, it recognises and repeats patterns until it becomes efficient. At its most optimal, it is in an automatic mode.

Think about the time you had to learn a new skill or just watch a child learn how to eat using fork and spoon. There are 5 key characteristics that goes into learning something new:

  • Focus: you need to focus on every action that you take. Take the child learning how to eat with a fork. Picking up the fork, coordinating between your hand, the fork and stabbing at a piece of meat and after all that effort to coordinate the fork into your mouth without hitting your face.
  • Mistakes: the number of mistakes that you will make at the start of the process will be very high. For a child learning to use the fork, the mess on both the child and the surrounding environment is massive.
  • Repeat: the process has to be repeated time and time again until the skill is learned.  With each repetition, skills are improved which leads to less effort over time until you reach the point of auto-pilot or habit.
  • Perseverance: there must be perseverance to keep on trying. Just imagine if a child gives up learning how to eat using a fork, what would that be like as an adult.
  • Reward: there is always a reward at the end of the struggle. For the child, it is eating by himself without a mess and a pleasant dining experience for the parents.

Ask yourself:

  • What goals do I have that I want to accomplish?
  • What behaviour do I want to change in order to achieve new goals?
  • What structure do I need to put in place to help me change?
  • What triggers do I need to address?
  • What “bad” habits do I want to break?

The 3 basic attributes of habits will help you to identify the habits that needs to change or be modified. The 5 characteristics of learning new skills or behaviour will help you plan out how to go about changing. This challenge will require our brains to work and work hard at the start. Over time and repetition, each of us can learn new skills and develop new habits.

The next series of articles will aim to help you work through elements that you can put in place to help you journey through changing habits.

 

 

 

 

 

5 ways to be Intentional

There seems to be an acceptance and even of pride when we are able to describe our day or life as busy.    Busy seems to be a title that we wear with pride.  You can ask anyone “How are you?”.  100% of the time the answer would be “I am good and so busy.”  Is that what we really want to achieve out of this life?  To be busy?  I am sure that none of us want to reach the end of lives and think that all we have accomplished is being busy.

What can we do to change our perspective and transform the way we approach our priorities and time to bring about meaningful and significant outcomes?  The shift in our mindset starts with being intentional.  To be intentional with what we do with our time and energy.  To be intentional with how we align our priorities with time and energy.  To be intentional with completing the important goals and not to be distracted.

What can we do to be intentional?

  • Know what you want to achieve.  The starting block is always having a goal in mind.  Daily, weekly, monthly, yearly goals.  If you are starting from ground zero, start small.  Start with a daily goal.  That’s right, just ONE goal.  For example, to complete a report by end of the day.   Be specific in what you want to achieve.
  • Be intentional in how you plan out the day.  With that goal in mind, set aside the time to complete it.  Move your schedule around if you have to.  There is a need to put structure around achieving the goal.  Protect that time to achieve it.  You might even have to say “NO” to other people which could be the first for you.
  • You are in charge of your schedule.  It might seem like a foreign concept to most of us when our schedules and priorities are determined by others.  However, the truth is that you and I are in control.  If you do not take charge, then you are going to be busy and aimless.  Be intentional in one the part of the day that is for you and only you to complete your goal.  For example, set aside 30 – 60 minutes in your schedule just for you.  It might mean that you have to get up at 6am to get that time, do it.  It is more satisfying to know that you have accomplished something that you have set out than just going through the daily busyness and wondering at the end of the day, what happened?
  • Get use to saying NO.  The ability to say NO is crucial.  One of the first words any child utters would be NO.  To decline to “help” someone might seem so cruel and unhelpful, however, by saying Yes is being cruel to yourself.  Of course, I am not saying don’t ever help, just be selective in what you say Yes to.  By all means, help when you can and are able.  Just bear in mind that you do have a choice.
  • Reflect at the end of the day.  Time of reflection is a great way to build the “Intentional” muscle.  It requires practice and changes as we progress.  Time of reflection gives us opportunities to improve, to be grateful and thankful as well as to motivate us to continue to grow.

To be intentional takes time and effort.  The starting point is to start.  My favourite Yoda saying “Do or do not.  There is no try.”  There is a simple truth in that.  To be intentional requires doing.  Don’t try to be intentional, Be Intentional.

3 common traits of focus and intentional living

In today’s ultra busy world, there are so many things that capture our attention. We are being pulled from every direction and somehow we must cater and adopt them all. None us can walk down a street without something or someone calling for our attention. In the workplace, we are faced with multitude of priorities and goals from every point of contact. Managers will give employees goals, the organisation will have top down strategies and goals, peers will have individual goals and each of us will have our own. When we are at home, there are also expectations to be met. How can anyone manage with all that is demanded.
There are many methods to achieve a balance in our approach to handle the demands. We have prioritisation methods, mindfulness techniques, roles models and sage advice from people who have achieved success. The key question is what would work for you? We can learn from every tips and tricks in the book. The real test is when the rubber hits the road. How are we living it out? How are we balancing all the different demands and priorities?

In my coaching experience, there are few simple questions to get the process going.

 1. The starting block is to ask yourself, “What are the most important things in your life?”.  

 2. List them all down and I mean all.  

 3. Rank them in terms of importance from 1 to n.    

 4. Ask yourself, “Is that how I am spending my time and focus?”.

 5. Based on how your spending your time and focus, what is the ranking on that list?

 6. What would you like to change ?

In most cases, the list that we first come up with is the “ideal” list. The wish list in our minds based on preconceived desired outcome. Reality however will show that there is gap. The biggest gap usually centers around people that we love and the demands of work. How can we bridge that gap? How can we focus on the things that we should ?  

There are 3 common traits :

 1. Focus on the non-negotiable. Hone into the areas of your life that no matter what cannot be set aside. My take is that there should not more than 3 non-negotiables. It is hard to truly focus if we have more than that.

 2. Protect that turf. Set aside time and energy to do them. Protect that time and unless it’s life and death, it should not be interrupted.  

 3. Be present for each activity and contact point. It is how we spend the time that matters. When you are engaging in a conversation, be present and attentive. We have all seen people around the same dinner table but no one is talking to one another. Being present takes focus, attention and it is intentional.

I have witness a number of people who are extremely focus and intentional in how they live out their lives. They have figured out how to focus on the 3 biggest aspects of life : work, family and service. It is not by luck or chance that differentiates them. It is solely by them asking the hard questions, resolving to live out intentionally and focusing on the heart of the matter daily.

Are you living a life that is focus and intentional? Our significance in this life is not measured by how busy we are but by the impact we have. The only sure way of making an impact is to be focus and intentional with our time, energy and people.

3 Keys to Prioritising

Each of know that in order to achieve anything with the limited resources that we are faced with, there is a need to prioritise.   It is always important to know that we can’t do everything or make everyone happy.  We need to choose which comes first or the best way to balance all that is important.  The balance that we achieve will be based on how we define what is important and therefore how we prioritise them in light of the parameters or resources before us.

We constantly need to prioritise:

  • What resources to use and not use
  • Who comes first
  • When does it happen
  • How it takes place

And so on.

And in all that we are limited by:

  • Energy:  How much energy do we have?  How much energy do we need to expand to achieve a goal?  Personally I think that energy is more important than time.  The reason for that is, energy helps with focus and concentration.  If we are able to perform a certain complex task when our energy level is high, we will most probably get  it done with better quality as compared to when our energy level is low.  Imagine doing complex problem solving when you are tired.  I doubt that the result will be a great solution.   Therefore it is important to know when in the day your energy level is at it’s peak, and do the complex and tough task then.
  • Time:  Time is well discussed and every one of us know the limitation of time.  However, time is only useful if we use it smartly.  If we are able to prioritise time wisely e.g spend the most time on the key or big things, then we are able to utilise it fully.  If we spend all our time on the small and menial ones, we will feel busy but probably not be able to accomplish anything of significance.
  • Skills:  Each of us has skills or strengths that we are blessed with.  Trying to accomplish something that you are not strong in, will take a lot of energy and time.  All of which may not necessarily give you great results.  It is best to acknowledge what you are good at and get help on areas that you are not good at.  Get help from someone whose strength is in a certain area to  help you and as a team accomplish great results.  With limited energy and time, prioritise areas where you are great in and focus on that.
  • Pride:  There is a certain limiting factor with pride.  Each of us having the desire or fantasy to believe that we can do it all and make it on our own.  The reality is very different.  Each of us are dependent on someone to help us be better. It is because each of us has our weaknesses that will hinder our goal of perfection.  No one has all the skills and strengths and without any weaknesses.  Once we recognise that we can’t achieve greatness on our own, pride takes a different place.  We are all meant to work in a team environment which means different people with different skills level and together will provide great results when each is working based on his/her strengths.

The 3 keys to prioritising are :

  1.  Know the “Highs”:  You will need to know the following:
      • Love:  What do you love doing?  Who do you love?  Knowing what you enjoy and are passionate in doing gives you purpose.  Know who you love or who you are working for gives you satisfaction.
      • Energy:  Focus and attention span.  Know when you are the most alert, when your mind is most creative and attentive, when is your physical energy the highest and how to increase that level.  Understanding your energy level will help you to know when in the day to perform complex and routine task.  Schedule your task accordingly.
      • Strengths and Talents:  Uncover what you are really good at.  Your skills will come out clearly when you can do something effortless and with great enjoyment.  Focus on areas that you are good at and make it even better.  If you have no talent in drawing, you can put the effort and maybe be an average artist, but wouldn’t it better to spend the time to be great singer if singing is where your talent lies.

2.  Control vs. Influence:   Know when it is something that you are directly responsible for or am in control of vs. on an area that you are hoping to influence through people.  You will need to influence others to do their job or perform their role, you can even hold them accountable but you can’t truly control what and how they do it.  As each are different, the what and how is really up to the individual, all we should focus on is the result once everyone performs their role to accomplish a task.  Don’t sweat the stuff that you can’t control.

3.  Focus on the Big Picture:  Be clear on the goal.  What is the vision?  There can be many different strategies and action plans to achieve a goal.  There will be disappointments, challenges and even rejections and we should expect that.  No action plan will be 100% successful.  It is therefore critical to know what the big picture is.  By focusing on the big picture, the challenges along the way are just experiences and learnings that you gain to know what not to do.  There are still a lots of opportunities and new ways to try out.  As they say, look at the forest and not just the leaves.

Work with what you have and not what you wish you had.  There is a reason each of us has energy, time and skills.  We can increase our energy level through exercise and of course caffeine.  We can improve our skills by developing it through training and applications.  We can even maximise time by doing the important and critical task.  Each of those resources can be enhanced and improved further through conscious effort.  You can only do that once you are able to prioritise what you want to improve and achieve.