3 Ways You Steal from Yourself

We all know that stealing is wrong.  There are laws against stealing.  And yet we constantly steal from ourselves without even thinking twice.  What do I mean?  I don’t mean stealing an item or idea from someone else.  I mean the critical aspects of life that we are robbing ourselves of and from.

How and when do you steal from yourself?  It comes in many different forms and the top 3 ways are:

  • Time and Energy.  Time and our body’s energy level is limited.  We all have only 24 hours in a day and depending what your fitness level is, you will have a limited amount of energy to concentrate, to work, to play and so on.  When we have depleted our energy resource, it is natural to be less productive, mistake prone and emotionally grumpy and negative.  Here are some examples of how we steal our time and energy:
    • “Me” or Quiet time:  Spending time to fuel yourself whether through exercise or meditation is critical to give you the energy to start the day.  If your energy tank is near empty, it is just tough to get through the day in one piece.  Spending just 15 – 30 minutes a day is enough to get going.
    • Allocation of time and energy.   Prioritising how we should spend our time and energy is important.  Knowing that if completing task A is important and that requires your 100% focus and concentration we must then allocate sufficient time to it first before anything else.  Just remember that time and energy is just like the battery level of your phone.  It gets depleted until at the end of the day, you charge it again.

I would like to challenge you to think about in what ways do you steal time and energy?  You will be surprise with how long the list is.

  • Opportunities.  Opportunities that come our way in forms of promotions, new roles, investments etc.  Opportunities will inherently come with fear, risk and doubt.  However, when we do not give the opportunity its well deserved consideration, we are in essence stealing from our growth, learning, development and maturity.  We all want to learn, grow and mature.  In order for us to achieve that, we need to get out of our comfort zone and take some risk.  Think about the opportunities that you have passed up on:
    • What were the reasons?  If things were different, would you make the same decision?
    • What would you have gained if you took on the opportunity?
    • What have you gained by not taking on the opportunity?

More often than not, there will some opportunities that we will regret missing out on and some we are thankful that we did not take up.  The critical aspect is to know and understand the reasons.  That’s how we learn and learn not to be make the same mistake.

  • Relationships.  The number 1 focus or priority for all us will be family.  People.  Relationships.  How do we steal from that?
    • We take certain relationships for granted.
    • We don’t pay enough attention.
    • We don’t spend enough time.
    • We don’t care or nurture that relationship.
    • We don’t allow the relationship to grow.

If it is our Number 1 priority, what makes us steal from relationships?  Think about any one relationship that is critical to you

  • what areas are you nurturing it?
  • What areas are you falling short in?
  • What sacrifices would you need to make?
  • What areas could you be preventing the relationship from growing?
  • How could you strengthen a relationship?

What happens when we constantly and consistently steal from ourselves?

  1. Growth.  Our learning and road to maturity is impacted.  To be emotionally immature when you are no longer a child is hard going.  We mature through all the highs and lows of life.  We experience and learn because of the highs and lows.  No one enjoys the challenges, trials and difficulties, however, once we manage to survive and make it through the other side, there is no greater satisfaction.  The reward is meaningful and well deserved.
  2. Purpose.  There is a lack of meaning and purpose in our lives.  The constant stealing from our dreams, potential and talent will slowly but surely dim the light of passion.  Once that happens, you will ponder the life long question:  What is the meaning of life?  What is my purpose here?  I guess that’s why there are life coaches.  So don’t wait for that moment to happen, start by being clear on what your life purpose is.
  3. Joy.  We steal the joy of life that comes in 2 ways:
    1. Relationships that are meaningful and powerful.  Relationships that will last a life time.  People who will be with you through thick and thin.  There is great joy in that.
    2. Your accomplishments and hard work.  All of us know it feels to have accomplished a goal.  Not just accomplishing it but exceeding our expectations.  When we put in the hard work, setting aside fear and doubt, and overcoming, there is an indescribable sense of worth and value in that.

The key questions are these:

  • Are you stealing from yourself today?
  • What are they?
  • What do you want to do about it?
  • When are you going to start to make the change?

Take Time to Review Your Plans

Once the goals are set and plans are in place, execution takes over.  Once the ball gets rolling, it is easy to just follow the momentum and keep on rolling.  Therein lies the danger of being caught up in the excitement of execution that we lose sight of the goal and get off course.  It is an important step to pause and review the progress of your plans and achievements and if necessary make adjustments to your plans and even goals.

I survived a world of reviews.  Weekly, monthly, quarterly, half yearly and yearly and that’s not counting the daily meetings.  One of the many learnings from that world is that reviews done with the right purpose and outcome is powerful.  However, unless it is conducted with the right intention and atmosphere, it generally goes downhill if questions are asked to find fault vs. to build a constructive conversation of identifying areas of improvement.  So let’s just say that I have a great amount of experience in this area.

For those who are new to the review process, there are a few structures that you can put in place to ensure that progress review is part of your action plans:

  1. Set the Review upfront:  Ensure that you set aside time on a weekly, monthly or quarterly basis.  At the start of the execution phase, ensure that you have more frequent review cycles as this will ensure that you take stock of the execution of the plan and closely monitoring the outcome or response.
  2. Be clear on what you are to review and the desired outcome of the review.  This is critical to ensure that the review is productive and the outcome is clear and actionable.  It is also important to ensure that the participants as well as yourself come out of it motivated and ready to put the plans into action.
  3. Schedule it in your calendar:  Yes, it might seem like a no-brainer, but unless it is in your calendar, it will not happen.  The tendency to push it back or even forget is there.
  4. Get the team together:   If you have a team, ensure that you get them together for the review.  It is always good to get everyone on the same page and to gather feedback.
  5. End it on a “positive”.  Acknowledge the work, effort and results.  Remove barriers if possible.  Encourage the next steps.  Stay focus on the goal.

A few simple tips to ensure a productive review meeting:

  • A review template.  Yes, it sounds scary but a template ensures that everyone knows what is being measured and how it is tracking vs. the goals assigned.
  • Review template key components.  The review template must have key components:
    • Strategies or Goals being measured
    • Critical success factors
    • Key dependencies
    • Action Items and Ownership
  • Don’t over engineer or complicate the review template.  The review template is NOT meant to track and measure every single activity.  You can have that as part of the project plan but NOT a review template.  The template should just measure key outcomes.
  • Don’t over analyze and have analysis paralysis.  There a great tendency to over do a review session.  Bear in mind the purpose of the review and that is to know how you are progressing and to take necessary actions to course correct or continue.
  • Clear ownership and assignments of task.  At the end of the review meeting, everyone should be clear of the progress and action items that needs to take place.  Assigning clear ownership and timeline is critical to any campaign coming together.

Some simple steps to ask yourself when you are reviewing your progress:

  • What is the purpose of the review?
  • What are the key areas that needs to be reviewed?
  • At what stage am I over analyzing?
  • Are there enough insights from the review to build a good set of action plans?
  • Are the plans achievable or just a wish?
  • Am I clear on the outcome?
  • Is it time to stop?

Analyzing and reviewing is a necessary part of any plans to ensure that we are on track and if required, to make the adjustments.  Without this step, plans will not go as plan.  So take the time and stop and review.

One Word focus per Month

The simpler the task, the higher the chances that it is achieved.  That makes sense.  With that in mind, as we start the year, have in mind to simplify.  Last week, I wrote about having a 2-word purpose for the year.  In this blog, I would like to break it down further to how we can apply that.  To apply it in its most effective manner would be to break it down from 12 months to just 1 month.  The rationale is that we can’t predict the future with any great accuracy but we can manage and plan for the short term with greater success.

Let’s start:

  1. Break down your 2-word purpose for the year.  List down what you would like to achieve or focus on in order to accomplish the overall purpose for the year.  For example, “Inspire” and “Growth” are the 2-word purpose of my year.  In order for me to make this meaningful and actionable, I would need to think about what it takes for me to achieve it.
  2. List down activities or focus areas by time frame.  For example, I would break down “Growth” to learning or improving my skills in mastering the Mac OS.  In order for me to do so, I would need to outline a plan.  The structure of the plan could look like this:
    1. Current skill level on Mac OS is at level 3 and would like to be at level 5 where I can use shortcuts, mission control, new features etc.
    2. To learn:
      1. check out youtube videos on Mac OS tips and tricks or lessons.
      2. Read magazines
      3. Practice and apply
  3. Summarise into 1 word what the focus and time frame.  For example, I would summarise mine to Explore.  Explore and learn the new features of Mac OS in January.
  4. Project for the next 3 months.  Build upon that and decide on what your focus would be over the next 3 months.  For example, mine would be:
    1. Explore:  In January to explore and learn new features.
    2. Practice:  In February to practice and practice what I have learnt and continue to find new features.
    3. Teach:  In March to teach or pass on the knowledge to someone else and in the process, inspire others to learn.
  5. Plan for the rest of the year in a similar manner.  Bear in mind that it might change depending on your circumstances.
  6. Keep in mind the end of the year result that you are seeking.  That will help keep you in step each month.

As for me,  I learn best in burst of energy and knowing that I would plan accordingly.  The plan should also factor in your schedule, if you are on holiday or an especially busy period at work etc.

Give it a go and start for this month.  Once you have a focus area, the action plans should come fairly easily.  After that, it really is just to do it.

Purpose for the year in 2 words.

I am sure that hearing the word “mission statement” or “purpose” will bring out two common reaction, fear and avoidance or focus and passion.  It just seems so big and impossible to figure out.  And yet, deep down, each of us has that need to know.  To know or have an idea on what you are working towards is important to give us a sense of worth.  It is no surprise that people who have a clear purpose in life, walk a more focus and rewarding path as oppose to those who do not have a clear purpose.

Sometimes, it comes naturally to us.  Most times, it is a act of focus concentration to figure it out.  No matter which camp you are in, the truth is, it is in your hands.  For most of us, at work, goals and action plans are set for us by the company and our managers.  All that is left for us to think about is the actual numeric goal and actions to  be taken.  However, in a broader context of our overall lives, that takes a little more effort because it has to align with what is important to us.

At the start of year, it is always a great exercise to spent some time to reflect on what went well, what did not, what you would like to do differently as well as what you would like to accomplish in the new year.  Each of us would have either ended last year feeling like we have accomplished much or not.  Regardless of what happened last year, that is the past.  This new year is the present and the future.  Therefore we have the power to start it differently and purposefully.

I would like to challenge you to just think about your purpose in just 2 words.  Writing a mission statement or purpose can be scary especially with the fear of structuring a sentence well or that it has to be inspiring and brilliant.  However, as nice as that would be, it is not necessary for you to get to that point.  To get started, its about making it simple and clear.  Simplicity and clarity will help you to form further substance as you go along.  After all, life is a journey.  Therefore with only 2 words, the level of complexity and fear factor decreases substantially.

As we have taken the complexity out of the equation, anyone can give it go and come up with just 2 words that best describe your purpose.  Let’s start by structuring how you would think about your purpose for this new year.

  • What are your core values?
  • What are you passionate about?
  • What are your dreams?
  • What areas are of interest to you?

I find this simple method as an easy starting point.

  • Think about words that resonate with your values.  Write them down.  For example, hard work, commitment, dedication, service, honesty, integrity, learning, risk-taking, change, adventures, travels etc.
  • From the list of words above, select words that resonate the strongest with you.  Pick 2 words.  Those are probably the key 2 words of your purpose as they align strongest with your core values.  For example, service and learning could be the 2 words.
  • Try structuring a sentence with those words that would align with what your purpose or mission might look like.  For example, “To serve a certain community of interest and to strive to continual learn and explore new ideas and innovations”.  It does not have to be perfect, just enough to give it a structure as a starting point.
  • Test it out by sharing it someone.  Expand on it.  Does it resonate with you?  Would others agree and have observed it in you?
  • Keep refining it until it sits comfortable with you.  It should feel inspirational and motivational for you.

Once you get it about right, you will know it.  It will sit well with you and you will feel the passion and excitement from it.  Then you know that you have figured out your purpose.

Give it a go.  It might seem hard as a start but once you start going, it will get easier and it is fun.

The next step from that is to build a structure and plans around those 2 key words of your purpose for the year.  I will cover that next week.

Start the New Year Purposefully

A new year is upon us.  In fact, before we know it, this new year of 2016 will come to an end too.  Let’s do things differently this new year.  Challenge yourself to see if you can start the year differently not with the dreaded New Year Resolution but with purposeful and deliberate vision of what and how you would like to see the year unfold for you.  A vision of what you would like to see the end of 2016 as a reward.  A reward that is both tangible and intangible.

I would add that some goals should be avoided such as:

  • Losing Weight
  • Making more money
  • Buying a new car
  • Exercise more
  • Etc

The reason for this is that the goals above are “superficial”.  It does not extend to your values or beliefs and therefore cannot be sustained.  Goals that are purposeful and that bring out a new need or desire are those that will be achieved.  Goals that are deep in it’s purpose are motivational for you to persevere and succeed.  Therefore think about goals that are broader and meaningful for you.  For example:

  • Healthy lifestyle in order for you to have great quality of life and to fully enjoy your time with family and friends.  In order for you to live a healthy lifestyle, you need to be mindful of what you eat as well as exercise.  This will lead you to action plans which will include what form of exercise you will take up, how much time you will dedicate to it and so on.  You can also include eating healthier, stop smoking and so on, as part of that healthier lifestyle.
  • Financial Management or Responsibilities could be a goal and it should have aspect not just around the promotion that you want, earning more money but also around what you could do to bless others with what you have.  You don’t need to give away all your wealth, just start with what you interest or passion drives you.

Now that we have the general idea, let’s put them into a structure:

  1. Set out clearly your mission or purpose for the year.
  2. Have clear goals with Step by step action plan and make it fun
  3. Monitor and Adjust to suit the situation
  4. Review and Reward
  5. Cheer on
  6. Don’t steal from yourself
  7. Cherish the moment

Over the course of the next few weeks, I will be covering each area in greater detail.  Start by starting.  Think about the following:

  • What are you passionate about?
  • What don’t you enjoy doing that you would like to stop?
  • What do you want to learn?
  • Where do you want to contribute more?
  • What is the unique impact that you can make?
  • What changes to do you want to make?

Challenge yourself to then imagine the bigger picture.  Is there one?  If there is one, then break it down to see what you can achieve this year.  It is always fun and exciting to think about new things to do and experience at the start of the year.  Now think about how you are going to sustain that and keep yourself motivated.  Think about the rewards that you will put in place when you achieve a certain milestone.  It is even more exciting to visualise when you do achieve the milestone and how that would feel.  Picture that and the emotions that come with it.  Write it down.  After you have finished one, move to the next until you are satisfied.  Now stop and let it sit for a couple of days and return to it.  Read it and see if it still brings out the level of excitement that you had when you started.  If not, modify it.  Keep improving until it is something that you can commit to.  It doesn’t have to be perfect, just good enough to get your started.  Know full well that things will change and changes will be made as you go along so don’t be too hung up with getting it perfect.

Now just start!