Tag Archives: mindset

5 Characteristics of people who Fail at Failing

Has anyone NOT experienced failure?  It would be one uneventful life if you have not had the blessings of failure.  Where would we get those great moments to laugh or cry over if there were no failures in our life?  Where would our character development be found?  Of course, it is NOT pleasant when we are going through those moments where our failures can range from minor to epic.  It is unfortunately the way we learn and grown.

We learn not to make the same mistakes again.  We learn to try a new approach to solving a problem.  We learn that we are not define by the mistake or failure.  We learn that we are stronger and tougher than we thought before the failure and after the recovery.  We learn that one step away from fail is success.  There are many benefits of experiencing failure as part of growing and maturing if you can get up and learn from the failure.  There are however people who fail and fail to recover.  What differentiates those to who experience failure and comes out stronger vs. those who come out worse off?

I think that are 5 characteristics of people who fail and come out worse off and they are:

  1. Not having a goal in life. Sounds counterintuitive in a way as if you have goals and not meet them, then wouldn’t that we consider a fail?  Yes, if the goal in life was purely just achieving goals.  No, as life is not about maturing in character as we move towards achieving our goals.  Not having a goal is a sure way to fail as there is nothing that one is striving towards.  How can one be successful if you don’t know where you are going?  Set goals for yourself.  To help you with goals, check out my previous blog here.
  2. You are not teachable. You are not willing to learn and you are not willing to receive feedback.  You are inflexible and unwilling to accept help.  Having a teachable attitude will help you to learn from mistakes and ensure that you do not make the same mistake.  We are never too brilliant to not be able to learn more.
  3. A negative mindset. It is critical that we define failure in the right context.  Failure is not definite and not permanent.  Having a negative mindset will only hurt in the learning process as the perception is far worse than reality.  A negative mindset creates a perception that the failure is worse than it is and without hope that it will get better.  Hope is a critical ingredient is ensuring that we get back up again.  Change the perception of what failure is and change your mindset to see the silver lining behind it.
  4. No commitment. No or lack of commitment to see your goals through will result in giving up too early.  People who are successful are commitment to their vision and will persevere through enormous obstacles to see your goals come to fruition.  Commitment is fundamental in ensuring that we stay the course and learn from failure, improvise and continue moving forward.
  5. Waiting for perfection. Waiting for the perfect time, the perfect idea, the perfect opportunity and so on.  There is no perfection.  It is pointless to wait for perfection as it does not exist.  Waiting does not get you anywhere.  Waiting for perfection certainly will not get you anywhere.  The only way to know if your idea will work is to just do it.  Plan for it and then act on it.  Learn and improve and continue to just do it.

Don’t be afraid to fail as that is how we learn and mature.  Don’t allow failure to stop you from failing.  Take the risk of failing and have the right mindset and attitude of:

  1. Failure is a temporary setback in achieving your goals.
  2. Every mistake or failure is an opportunity to learn from and be better.
  3. Every negative situation and thought as a positive upside.
  4. You will develop muscles in perseverance, commitment, discipline and focus.
  5. Keep straining forward is the only way to move forward and not backwards or stagnant. Don’t let the setback make you negative or bitter.  Use it to keep you stronger.

Don’t allow your failures to stop you and prevent you from living life to the fullest.  Don’t let it stop you from taking risk in a business opportunity or as you move up the career ladder.


PS:  Special for March, I am conducting a special free 30-min session to help you with any questions around coaching that you might have and how coaching could be the resource to help you have a purposeful year.  Just click here to start the journey.

3 ways to recover from an “epic fail”

Have you ever made a mistake?  Have you ever felt like you have failed?  Have you ever thought that you could not come back after this epic fail?  I am sure that I am not alone in experiencing set backs and failures.  Hindsight will tell us that those “epic fail” moments are when we learned the most about ourselves and how to get back up and start again.  It is in those moments that will either grow or break us.

There is only ONE critical mindset to have and that is to be able to separate the person from the act or mistake.  The “person” is who you are vs. the action that a person takes or makes.  Therefore the act or actions may have been a fail, the person is not a fail.  Once we are able to distinguish the two different categories, we can move on the to the ways of recovering from the act that was an “epic fail” in your mind.

I have observed with my coaching clients that there are 3 critical attitudes that exist in order to transform after an “epic fail”.

  1. Acknowledgement.  Acknowledgement and taking ownership of the mistake.  Taking responsibility for it is the first step in figuring out how to ensure that it does not happen again.
  2. Facing the consequences.  Facing the consequences of the mistake is the next step.  We all know that with every action there are consequences that follow whether good or bad.  Having the courage to face the consequences and responding to it demonstrates your maturity and professionalism.  Most of us, if we could, would like to avoid consequences especially if its negative.  However, it is important as part of taking ownership of the mistake is to manage the situation.
  3. Be alert to the warning signs.  As with all learning experiences, once we have learned from a mistake, we are more aware of the signs of an “epic fail” before it happens.  The key is to always be alert for these warning signs and know how to manage the situation accordingly.   Just like we know that touching fire will be painful, we will certainly be aware of just how close we can be to fire before it becomes painful or dangerous.  We need to be aware of situations where we might be tempted to make the same mistake.  Take precautions.

Once we are able to acknowledge , face the set back and take steps to prevent it, the next important thing to note is to never be afraid to take risk and try.  Being afraid of another set back can potentially be a bigger obstacle to your success and growth than the set back itself.  I think that the most important thought to remember is this:  We all learn through mistakes and grow from set backs.  Do not be afraid of mistakes and failures.  Failure does not define who you are but just an action that you have taken and learn from .

Coming back stronger after an “epic fail” requires:

  • Self awareness:  Being self-aware is critical in acknowledging your strengths along with weaknesses.  Know where you are vulnerable and need help and ask for help.  Know where your strengths are and how to build upon it.  As they say, play to your strength.
  • Remember past accomplishments.   List down all your strengths and past accomplishment to remind yourself just how far you have come and achieved.  This simple exercise can remind you of your capabilities and restore your self-confidence.
  • Courage:  It does take courage to get back up and give it another go.  Part of courage is about being humble to acknowledge and owned the epic fail and then to take the step out to try again.  Take courage that you are able and capable of performing the task ahead.  You are not where you are today without coming back after a fail.

I have noticed how some client’s body language and disposition changes once listing down their strengths and accomplishments reminds them of their self-confidence and abilities.  Each of us need a little reminding sometimes just to restore our own self-esteem.

Remember than a “fail” in your actions does not make you a failure.  Each of us learn from our fail and are better from it.