Tag Archives: Coaching

6 things that are stopping you from help

Do you need help? Are you in a situation where a little help would be good? Do you offer help to someone who is struggling? Have you been in a situation or season of life where you need help? Have you asked for help? What is stopping you from asking or getting help?

Know you need help but…

In my coaching world, one of the most common situation that I am faced with is when someone needs help but for various reasons does not make the commitment to get the help. I think that there are 3 main reasons which stops or prevents someone from asking for help:

  • Fear: fear is always a barrier. Fear that by asking for help would imply that I am not good or smart or capable enough to do the job.
  • Perception: there is a myth that I am able to do everything well. I am super human with all the necessary competencies to perform my role well. That is clearly not true. Each of us has our unique set of abilities and personalities that will make us good at some things but not others.
  • Weak: weakness is asking for help. It is a sign of being weak or being a failure. This is probably the worst of all the myths.

In some areas, getting help is expected. Take any sport. No professional athlete has ever been successful without a team of coaches, medical team and so on. It is an acceptable norm that constant learning and improvement is a necessity and therefore seeking the best coach or trainer is a must. Think about how many coaches or mentors each professional sports person has had in their sporting career.

In the same context, in the workplace all successful executives have had great coaches and mentors to guide and lead them. However, something strange then happens downstream. Most people never get the coaching, training and improvement programs that coud help them further grow and be successful in their role. It is only reserved for those earmarked with high potential. What about the 80% of the work force that is running the business? Do they not require improvement? There are various forms of development that would not require extensive investment. As an example, mentor- mentee relationship is extremely valuable and the only cost involved in time from both party.

There are 6 things to you need to stop doing in order to start getting the help that you need:
1. Stop giving excuses. Stop giving excuses for not looking or getting help. Time and money are the two most common excuses. Imagine what your life would look like if you had taken the time and money to develop a certain skill or to overcome a certain fear. What would the benefit be then? What is the cost to you for not doing what you know you should be?
2. Stop Putting it aside. Putting something in back burner or not prioritising it will not make the weakness or issue go away. In fact it is just making the problem bigger over time. Sweeping it under the carpet will only make the carpet bulge up over time and it will be harder to clean it later on.
3. Stop hoping that the situation will change. Situation rarely changes, it is usually the person who changes. A wise person will learn and grow through each circumstances. Thereby learning the skills to go through the situation.
4. Stop blaming others. It is so easy to blame others for your struggles. You could blame your company or manager for not giving you the training that you need. You could blame the people around for putting in the hours or for being good at what they do which in turn makes you look less successful. The list goes on. Nothing good ever comes from blaming others. Take ownership and accountability and make your plans to grow.
5. Stop accepting the status quo. The difference between a successful person and not so successful lies in focus and goals. We can go through the day and just flow with it or we could dictate how the flow goes. Start by making a decision that you want to change and develop further.  Start with setting goals.  Simple goals are all that is required. What are the 3 things that I must do today? What is the one important purposeful thing that I want to make sure that I complete today?
6. Stop not accepting or asking for help. Help is just around the corner if we ask and there are times, people offer their help. Take it and be thankful.

Where are you today with getting or asking for help? Are you gritting your teeth and continuing on the path of self-reliant? Are you too proud to ask for help? If you are in anyone of those 6 areas, dismiss those myth and start getting the help that you need. There are books, training courses and people who are able to help. Don’t shy away any longer. The long-term impact can be significant.

PS: Get in touch with me for a free 30 minute exploration session to learn more about coaching and what it can do for you.

Free 30 Minute Coaching Session for March only

Coaching is a journey and a process that will help you focus on your goals, uncover hidden barriers and action your way towards achieving your visions and goals.  It is journey that will require you to challenge your assumptions, perceptions and broaden your solution sets.

For the month of March, I am giving you an opportunity to find out and discover what is coaching and whether coaching is the needed boast to help you discover and act upon your goals.

Why Am I doing this?

My goal for this 30-minute session is to answer questions you might have regarding coaching as well as to help you get a feel on what a coaching session will entail.  Most of my clients are first timers and have very little idea what is coaching and what each sessions will look like.  This is a great way to get your feel for it.

What do you need to do?

You will need to prepare some questions.  You will need to have a goal in mind in terms of what is the outcome that you are expecting from this session and we will both work towards it.

What does it cost?

It will cost you 30 minutes of your time maybe a little more as you prepare.  There is $0 and no obligation.  If you should choose to engage in a coaching engagement, we can discuss it further.

How do we connect?

Technology is a beautiful tool and Skype is the answer.  We will Skype either by Video or Audio.  It can be conducted over the comforts of your home.

When can I start?

Just send me a note by clicking here and we can schedule a time that best suits us.

Answers in your hands

One of the main pillar of coaching is that the client or coachee has the answer(s) to his/her challenge(s).  The role of a coach is to help him to discover that and to feel empowered to action on the challenge.  To enable that, the coach must create the space for the client to discover the answers.

The benefits of that are:

1.  Empowered.  The client has the answer(s) to the challenge(s) that he is facing.  To find the answers is a matter of empowering them to listen to their thoughts and feelings.  Giving them the courage and confidence to decide on a course of action to be taken.

2.  Ownership.  The client will have a sense of ownership around the solutions or actions to be taken.  After all, the actions are decided by the client.  This is a key motivating factor to executing the actions as oppose to being told to do it.

3.  Accountability.  There is a greater sense of accountability to action on the ideas or steps to be taken as a result of ownership.  The added “sense of accountability” will come with having a partnership with the coach.

How would a coach create that space for the client?  Here are some ways:

  • Listen.  Listen to what the client has to say and be comfortable with silence.  In my experience, most of that “silence” will be taken up the client as they talk through the issue, hear their own words and through that creates awareness in themselves.
  • Patience.  Be patient and not try to lead the discussion or the thought process.  Let the client work it through.
  • Ask questions.  Ask questions that will move the thoughts through the next stage.  Open the door for more discussion and brainstorming.

Based on my coaching experience, each of us has the answers to our own questions.  We just need someone to help us discover that at times.