One of the courses that I took as part of the coaching certification was called “Releasing Judgement”. I thought, now that’s an interesting topic. Interesting as it’s an act that I do all the time whether consciously or unconsciously and I suspect, so do you. There are many instances where judgement comes into the picture, whether it’s about a person, a situation or a decision taken. In most situations, we need to made a judgement of a situation in order to make a decision. For example, after analysing a serious of facts, we come to a conclusion or make a judgement as to which is the appropriate course of action to take. In my mind, good reason why judgement is necessary. Is there a situation when it’s not good to make a judgement?
I think that the lines are blurry when it comes to judging a person. No one likes to be judged. Therefore, it would be naturally to think that because no one likes to be judged, we should not judge others. But we do. Why? One of the reasons is the need to compare. The need to compare the other person with ourselves. When I judge someone, what I am really doing is comparing that person with me. Comparing that person with how I would have done something, how I would have reacted, how much or little I have, and so on. Is that a fair comparison? After all, in my eyes, I am the best and always right. Therefore, now that I know that the basis for my judgement is me, I have a way of releasing judgement and that’s through NOT comparing.
To let go of the need to compare with others. Unfortunately, it is very hard to do as we are wired from a very young age to compare and judge or be judged. For me, I have found that doing these 3 things have helped me.
1. Don’t compare. Don’t base your judgement by comparing against you or how you would have done something. I am not living in that person’s shoes and therefore will never have all the details that make up that person or the situation that led to the decision or outcome. Assumptions after all are just that, assumptions.
2. Be content with who you are and what you have. That does not mean, don’t strive to be better or to grow. It just means to strive and grow based on your strengths and attributes and not someone else’s. Each of us has our strengths and weaknesses and to recognise them and work on them is critical in ensuring that we are comfortable and confident in our own skin.
3. Recognise the triggers that makes you judgemental. Be aware of what triggers your thoughts or feelings to judge someone or a situation. Most of the time, its something that is close to our heart. Something that we hold dearly to.
Try it out. When you catch yourself making a judgement of someone or a situation, think about What is causing it? Why am I reacting this way? What can I do to release judgement?
Lisa Lam : Coach | Trainer | Consultant 